George Carlin Quotes – George Dennis Patrick Carlin or better known as George Carlin is a Grammy Award-winning American stand-up comedian, actor, and writer.
Carlin is known as an extraordinarily intelligent humorist, especially for his political and bitter humor, and for his observations on grammar, psychology, and religion, among many other taboo subjects.
George Carlin’s recent comedic literature has generally focused on his satire of the modern American lifestyle.
He often takes on political issues in the United States that are currently popular and satirically satirizes the negative effects of American culture.
Carlin is widely regarded as the successor to comedian Lenny Bruce and was described by television station Comedy Central as the greatest stand-up comedian in history, after Richard Pryor and before Lenny Bruce.
He was the first guest on the weekly American television comedy show “Saturday Night Live” and was part of the world’s best comedy.
There are many things we can take from George Carlin’s character, one of which is the following quote that describes Carlin’s intelligent personality as a comedian.
To that end, here are 100 George Carlin quotes that take us into the world of humor that can inspire us all.
George Carlin quotes see the humorous side to everyone
1. “What do dogs do on their days off? Can’t lie around, that’s their job! “
2. “The safest place during an earthquake would be in a stable store.”
3. “A flag is supposed to represent everything a country does. It doesn’t just represent good things. If you burn the flag, you are burning the flag for the bad things the country has done. It’s just a symbol. It is just a piece of cloth.”
4. “Although the photographer and the art thief were close friends, neither had ever photographed the other.”
5. “When you step on the brakes, your life is in your hands.”
6. “When you hear the word zero tolerance, remember, someone is bullying you.”
7. “Everyone should try to carve his name on the bomb of life.”
8. “I think it would be interesting if older people developed anti-Alzheimer’s disease where they slowly began to regain lost memories of other people.”
9. “Why do we park in driveways and drive on parkways? Just being stupid!”
10. “If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you will get selfish, ignorant leaders.”
11. “I’ll tell you a little secret about the blues: It’s not enough to know what notes to play, you have to know why you want to play them.”
12. “People are wonderful at times. Somewhere within each of them is the entire hologram of the universe.
13. “Have you ever eaten an entire box of cookies in one row? Have you ever done this? I don’t mean take them into your bedroom or something. So you open them in the kitchen as soon as you get home from the store and eat them while you’re standing there? Stare at the toaster while you eat an entire box of cookies?”
14. “If a turtle has no shell, is it homeless or naked?”
15. “How can [God] Be perfect? Everything he does dies. “
16. “The Christians gave it Sunday, the Jews gave it Saturday, and the Muslims gave it Friday. God has a three-day weekend.
17. “I am totally in favor of separation of church and state. These two organizations have spoiled us enough in their own right, so both are certain to die.”
18. “’I am’ is the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ‘I do’ is the longest sentence?
19. “May the evil forces confuse your path home.”
20. “Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.”
21. “If you can’t say something nice about someone, move on.”
22. “People are wonderful at times. Somewhere within each of them is the entire hologram of the universe.
23. “When I meet individuals I like and value them, I hate and hate the groups they know or belong to.”
24. “The planet is fine. People are outraged.”
25. “I was thinking about how people read the Bible more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exams.”
26. “I don’t want to be a member of a group whose symbol is a man nailed to two pieces of wood.”
27. “Tell the people that there is an invisible man in the sky who created the universe and the majority of people will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet and they have to touch it to make sure.”
28. “Atheism is an institution without a prophet.”
29. “So, have some fun. Soon you will die and burn in hell with your family.”
30. “Frisbyterianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes to the ceiling and gets stuck.”
31. “If it is true that our species is alone in the universe, then I must say that the universe has little purpose, and very little.”
32. “I am glad to say that there is very little in this world that I believe.”
33. “Would a fly without wings be called walking?”
34. “Not only do I not know what’s going on, I don’t know what to do about it if I do.”
35. “There is no present. There is only the immediate future and the recent past.”
36. “Electricity is really just conducted electricity.”
37. “Tonight’s Weather Forecast: Dark. Darkness all night, with scattered light until morning.”
38. “People who say they don’t care what people think are usually desperate to make people think they don’t care what people think.”
39. “If you can’t kill them, arrange to kill them.”
40. “No one can know for sure what a deserted area might look like.”
41. “When you step on the brakes, your life is at your feet.”
42. “I often warn people: ‘Somewhere along the way someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no ‘I’ in the team.’ What should you tell them, ‘Probably not. But freedom, individuality and integrity have ‘I’.
43. “I think it’s a comedian’s duty to find where the line is drawn and deliberately cross it.”
44. “Those who cannot hear the dance are considered mad.”
45. “That’s all that matters in life if you don’t give as*t. It can help you a lot.”
46. ”What if there were no hypothetical questions?”
47. “Is a vegetarian allowed to eat animal crackers?”
48. “Swallowing a small amount of saliva over a long period of time causes death.”
49. “Every situation has a humorous side. The challenge is to find that.”
50. “Let laughter be your umbrella, and your face be full of rain.”
51. “That’s why they call it the American dream, because you have to sleep to believe it.”
52. “I do this really stupid thing and it’s called thinking. And apparently, I’m not a very good American because I like to make up my own opinions.
53. “I think people should be allowed to do what they want. We haven’t tried that in a while. Maybe this time it will work. “
54. “If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you will have selfish, ignorant leaders.”
55. “Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.”
56. “Well, if crime fighters fight crime and firefighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?”
57. “How is civil war possible?”
58. “War is about rich old men protecting their property by sending middle-class and lower-class men to die.”
59. “I have many ideas. The problem is, most of them absorb.”
60. “Scratch any cynic and you’ll find a frustrated idealist.”
61. “‘Bilateral’ generally means that a greater deception is being perpetrated than usual.”
62. “I love it when a flower or a bit of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s very heroic.”
63. “Some people look at those things and ask, why? Some people dream of things that never happened and ask, why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.”
64. “Men are of the earth, women are of the earth. face.”
65. “Think about how stupid the average person is and realize that half of them are stupider than that.”
66. “Scratch any cynic and you’ll find a frustrated idealist.”
67. “I do this really stupid thing and it’s called thinking. And apparently I’m not a very good American because I like to make up my own opinions.
68. “I went into a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me it would defeat the purpose. “
69. “If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill themselves, is that considered a hostage situation?”
70. “Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and most of them are really good at it.”
71. “I think I am, therefore, I am… I think.”
72. “Everyone laughs in the same language.”
73. “I often warn people: “Somewhere along the way someone is going to tell you, ‘There is no “I” in the team.’ What should you tell them, ‘Maybe not. But there is an “I” in freedom, individuality and integrity.”
74. “Some people see the glass as half full. Others find it half empty. I found a glass that was twice as big as it needed to be.”
75. “If it is true that our species is alone in the universe, then I must say that the universe has little purpose, and very little.”
76. “Atheism is a non-apostolic institution.”
77. “The existence of flamethrowers proves that sometime, somewhere, someone said to themselves, ‘You know, I want to set those guys on fire over there, but I’m not close enough to finish the job.'”
78. “Life is really easy when you get rid of all the bull shit you’ve been taught in school.”
79. “How about a miscarriage when you’re pregnant and an omelet when it’s chicken?”
80. “Doesn’t what doctors call “practice” a little disturbing?”
81. “The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the fame.”
82. “Honesty may be the best policy, but it is important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second best policy.”
83. “Don’t sweat the small stuff and don’t sweat the stuff.”
84. “Home is just a place to put your stuff while you move out and bring more.”
85. “Don’t just teach your children to read. Teach them to question what they read. Teach them to question everything.”
86. “We have increased our wealth but decreased values. We talk too much, love too rarely and hate too often. How we learned to live but not life. We have added years to life, not years to life.”
87. “Trying to be happy by accumulating wealth is like trying to satisfy hunger by wrapping a sandwich around your body.”
88. “When fascism comes to America, it won’t be in brown and black shirts. This will not happen with jack-boots. It would be Nike sneakers and smiley shirts.”
89. “Anyone can be president in America. That is the problem.”
90. “We are a nation of sheep and somebody owns the grass.”
91. “The average American’s IQ and life expectancy have recently moved in opposite directions.”
92. “Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and most of them are good at it.”
93. “The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the fame.”
94. “Never argue with a fool. They will just bring you down to their level and beat you with experience.”
95. “Ever wonder about the people who spend $2 each on those little bottles of avian water? Try spelling Evian backwards.”
96. “Never underestimate the power of a group of idiots.”
97. “Beware, if you think too much, they will take you away.”
98. “Think off-center.”
99. “Think about how stupid the average person is and realize that half of them are stupider than that.”
100. “Life is really easy once you don’t have all the bulls teaching you at school.”
These are 100 George Carlin quotes with extraordinary meaning about life that sometimes have a side of quirky humor.
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